Becoming Mallory: I Don’t Need Someone To Validate Me Because God Validates Me
I’m so excited to introduce you to my friend, Mallory Borland! Mallory is married to an awesome guy and is a mom of a beautiful little girl. She’s a working Mom, is connected at Saddleback Church, and is passionately pursuing becoming who God made her to be. Grab your coffee and join me and Mallory as she shares her Becoming Story—and after watching Mallory’s story, check out a special note from Mallory below…
A Note From Mallory:
Thank you for listening to my story, as I talked with Emily and I became emotional I was reminded of a source of pride I used to have. I thought I had complete control of my emotions because I was strong enough to not cry when I should have been sad or hurt and I didn’t need to cry around others. I would cry when I was alone but didn’t want to show anyone else that I was sad because I felt it made me seem weak. I thought I was strong and in control but I was actually weak and stuffing my emotions down. I had control of my emotions because I built up walls so nothing could hurt me, but I shut everyone out and no one could get close to me. Emotions are a beautiful thing; pain or joy, or anywhere between is healthy. When I finally started to break down my own walls and become aware of who I was and what I was worth years of emotions flooded back to me. I learned that you should not hide your emotions or try to force them away because you don’t want to seem weak. Allow yourself the freedom to feel things without waiting for permission. Your emotions are all known by God and He is willing to listen to you as you work through where those emotions come from. Some of our parents, friends, and family struggle with understanding our emotions, and we sometimes struggle with defining the why behind them. Which could lead to our emotions being dismissed for various reasons but it’s important to realize God validates every feeling you have and you do not have to define it to feel it.
I struggled with depression for years and didn’t reach out for help because I couldn’t justify the sadness. In my view, my circumstances didn’t warrant being sad and depressed so I tried to ignore the feelings. With social media there is a new level of pressure on everyone. We have a desire to show our social community how wonderful our lives are, and display our accomplishments through our photos and captions. I’m worried for my daughter as she grows up, and I know that my husband and I can’t give her everything she needs to be courageous and have the self-worth I was missing. I have to show her that social media is not important and is equal to watching a movie or reading trashy tabloids at times. I have to put down my phone and model for her being present in the moment and model the priorities I want to have, constantly working on becoming a better woman, wife, and mom. My husband and I are dedicated to teaching her about God; to letting her find her own way but doing everything we can to show her that He loves her unconditionally. That He knows her and knows all her faults but sees the inner beauty of her through all her forthcoming struggles.
There are so many details and circumstances to my story that are important to who I was and to who I am now. Some circumstances are/were my fault and others were out of my control but nonetheless I remember all of the details but I don’t let them label me anymore. I didn’t know when I had been victimized, and I’ve made mistakes but now I am a survivor and through God’s grace and strength I am thriving. In growing my relationship with Christ I have been enabled to see that Satan put guilt in my life as a tool to attempt to break me and my relationship with God and with those that care about me. I am a survivor of everything I have been through and I pray daily for God to use me to help someone that was where I was years ago. I hope my story does that for someone, and I’m excited for the future. I don’t hold any regrets or any grudges because I wouldn’t be who I am today without everything I have been through. I have forgiven those that wronged me throughout my life, sometimes without them asking for forgiveness.
I have a great relationship with my mom, dad, stepmom, stepdad, and all of my siblings. I am blessed to have an amazing marriage based on honesty, trust, and most importantly faith. I have a wonderful extended family that includes all of my in-laws and feel blessed every day to have the support system I have. I am a mother and that has been a beautiful gift. Every day she teaches me more about slowing down and living life being present in the moment, and I hope I can remember everything she has taught me when her life starts to get busy with school, sports, and other activities. Any circumstance, memory, pain, or hurt can be used to make you stronger. Choose to persevere and become someone better today than you were yesterday. Move your social media apps and replace them with a daily devotional one. Put away your phone when you’re walking with someone else and listen to their story and take interest in their day. Connect with a stranger by giving them a smile or simply a hello as you walk by. If you are on your own becoming journey and you are searching for strength reach out to God. He’s waiting for you and already knows your hurts but wants to listen to how you feel. He wants you to start to write a new story with a beautiful ending.
Every morning make the choice to make a step forward and become a better version of yourself. When you have a setback pick yourself up and continue to take it one day at a time, you have more strength than you realize and you can get past any struggle you are faced with. You are loved and you are important and I care about you. I have a dream of speaking to young men and woman before they are faced with the pressures of drugs, sex and alcohol and using my story to make them stronger as they venture into some of life’s hardest times. I’m not sure if my dream will become a reality or what will come next on my journey but I know every day I’m choosing to work on becoming who God wants me to be- a strong, courageous, loving woman.