How To Share When You’ve Messed Up
By Terasha Burrell
A few years ago, I went through an extremely tough breakup. What started as a Nicholas Sparks novel had a plot twist called cheating, and it left me broken.
One day, I mustered up the courage to call and confront one of the involved parties and stepped into the garage to get some privacy. Because I had not yet learned how to control my emotions, I stood in the garage screaming and cursing into the phone. Not my finest moment.
I felt this release quickly turn to remorse as I realized my eight-year-old nephew had come outside to find me so we could play. I will never forget the look on his face as he took my hand and said, “C’mon, Terasha let’s go do something fun.”
Perfection is everyone’s favorite filter. If I can make you believe that I am not as crazy as the fly on the wall could prove me to be, then it was a good day. If we could become more authentic in sharing our failures, I think we could learn there is a less degree of separation between all of us.
I had an anger problem, and it took the Lord a few seasons to work this out of my heart. I remember I shared this story with a family member years later and she confessed she too had struggled with anger. It created a safe space for us to talk, pray together, and walk into much-needed healing.
Authentically sharing your failures, establishes a bridge between all of us that creates a safe space to confess our sins, as it tells us in James 5:16, and pray for each so that we can be healed. Had I never shared this story, she would have never known someone else could relate to struggling with anger. It helped us both remove the weight of perfection and was very humbling for both us as we witnessed the healing that would take place in our lives.
Proverbs 28:13 says, “A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance.” When you can own that you have failures, it helps you to forgive yourself and look forward to a fresh start as God cleans your mind and heart from all the things that are not like Him.
We think that if we talk about the real things in our life, people are going to think less of us. What it that’s not true? If they do, it’s only a reflection of themselves. The Bible says, “If we live in the light — just as He is in the light — then we have fellowship with one another” (1 John 1:7) How great would our witness be to those who don’t believe in Christ if we took off our perfection filter and were honest about failures and showed people examples of grace and mercy in our own lives. People would love you more because life is a struggle for many people and it would bring hope. Being able to share with others when you’ve messed up is not to talk about you but to share about God’s amazing grace that covers us and invites us into a relationship with Him to be more like Him.
As you’re becoming the woman God created you to be, I encourage you to remove the filter of perfection that you place on yourself and project on others. Let your own failures remind you of God’s grace and give you a heart of compassion for others as you do life with others so we can all grow together.
Your scars are proof that God heals.