My Goal for Valentine’s Day: 3 Reasons Why You Don’t Need Arm Candy

 In Dating, Love, Personal Growth, Relationship with God, Relationships

I’m a convertible kinda girl. Top down, music up, and hair blowing in the wind. Welcome to a day in the driving life of Emily. So, hop into the passenger seat. Let’s take a drive in my convertible, shall we?

As we all know, Valentine’s Day is approaching along with decorated stores, a surplus of cheesy love songs, and radio talk show hosts believing they know everything about our love lives. On this particular day, we’re jamming to none other than T. Swift when the announcer cuts in with this encouraging message: “Yeah, I bet you don’t want to hear that song if you don’t have anyone this Valentine’s Day. That’s depressing. You better make sure you find someone in time for next Valentine’s Day!”

Initial reaction: WHAT IS THIS GUY THINKING?

Reality strikes: Oh my goodness…HE’S RIGHT! I need to find someone to buy me chocolate stat.

Conclusion: No. This is absolutely PATHETIC.

Does it ever seem like February 14th suddenly became this magical day on the calendar centered solely around the idea of having a relationship—and any kind of relationship at that—simply to be able to proclaim, “I’m not alone!”?

If we were still driving around in my convertible right now, I’d look over and tell you this:

You are enough. And you are not alone.

Having someone buy a dozen roses, a heart-shaped box of chocolate or make dinner reservations for two won’t solve all of our problems. I know it sure feels like it would, but that’s not what God designed relationships for. That’s not what He designed you for. That’s not what He designed me for.

We were made for community that goes beyond a single day. Relationships aren’t meant to be temporary fixes to our seemingly massive problems. Relationships were designed to last. I don’t believe God randomly puts people in our lives for us to carelessly use and then dispose of when we’re done. His plan and purpose for love isn’t for a guy to come riding in on a white horse on February 14th with a $5 chocolate box in hand and then wave goodbye when the day’s through. And if we’re still having convertible real talk here, is that the kind of guy we’re waiting for? Let’s not be women who settle for a dude who just wants someone’s name to fill an empty spot in his iCal on Saturday night. I’m praying for a man who is both a servant and a warrior—a man who seeks after Jesus first and then loves me to the best of his ability.

So, my goal for Valentine’s Day? Yeah, it’s not to get a boyfriend or hunk of arm candy to escort me to dinner. Here’s why:

  1. My identity isn’t defined by my relationship status. Yes, it feels like a spotlight shines directly on all the single ladies on February 14th, but you know what? Does it even matter? The last time I checked, Jesus never defined me according to the jewelry (or lack of!) on my ring finger. He calls me His own. He says I’m chosen, I’m beloved, and I’m a daughter of the King. (Check out Psalm 139)
  2. Love lasts, my iCal doesn’t. Let’s put everything in perspective: February 14th is just one day. That’s it. The sun will rise and the sun will set. My iCal will continue to move forward as we keep marching on in 2015. Time doesn’t stand still on Valentine’s Day and neither does my love life. God is good and He can be trusted. And I firmly believe that my story is headed somewhere and I’m going to be ok. Having a relationship status for a day isn’t the lasting sentiment I’m waiting for. I’m praying for a love that outlasts a single day.
  3. I don’t need to find someone, I need to be someone. Our radio announcer had it wrong: I don’t need to find someone for Valentine’s Day. I simply need to be the Emily that God designed me to be. The second I aim to win the approval of man, try too hard, overreach, and drive myself crazy man-hunting, is the very moment I give up on the journey of becoming who God made me to be—because when I focus so intently on impressing others, I lose sight of who God made me to be. And that’s not a place I want to live.

Friend, hear me: Valentine’s Day is not something to be dreaded if your relationship status says single. You are cherished. You are valued. You are beautiful. You are loved.

And if you have a special date for Saturday night, girl, celebrate. Put on your favorite dancing shoes and embrace the sparkly memories to come. But as you dance the night away remember that this moment and this man doesn’t define you. You are special because you are a daughter of the King.

My real goal for Valentine’s Day? Let Christ shape and mold my heart rather than search for a guy to temporarily hold it. Just a thought.

So, what song should we cruise to next? I’m ready to enjoy the ride.

Author: Emily B. Cummins

Emily Cummins is a University of Florida & College of Central Florida grad who is passionate about partnering with people to become who they were made to be. Emily is the Online Campus Pastor at Church of Hope in Ocala, Florida. She’s passionate about storytelling, good cups of coffee, and jamming to country music. And most importantly, she’s passionately pursuing becoming the woman God made her to be.

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Comments
  • Jennifer Adams
    Reply

    So good. I want to be defined by much more than arm candy. I’m all for celebrating romantic love, but I’m even more for women embracing the fact that their already loved. That’s what I intend to celebrate on February 14th. That and chocolate! Now, where does eye candy fit into this? I kid, sort of. (wink)

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